B. Mitzvah, Your Way.

What is B Mitvah?

In the ancient Jewish world, bar mitzvah (for boys) or bat mitzvah (for girls) was the age of majority, when newly pubescent teens were considered ready to take legal and spiritual responsibility for their own actions. It marked a transition from the kids’ table to the grownups’ table, so to speak.

In the modern world, bnei mitzvah (plural and gender-neutral) have become ceremonies where Jewish 12- and 13-year olds showcase their readiness for adult community participation, often by reading from the Torah and leading a Shabbat service. This model works great for some families, but I do things differently.

My Approach

Every kid is unique; their coming-of-age journey should be, too.

While I have a wonderful Jewish library and lots of educational experience, I don't teach from a book and I don't have a pre-set curriculum. The learning agenda emerges from the relationship I build with the student. In consultation with parents and the B mitzvah student themselves, I create individualized learning adventures that reward curiosity by focusing on they’re excited about.

Over the course of several months, we use that focus to explore Jewish tradition, history, and text. As we get to know each other better, we work on crafting a culminating project and ceremony they’re proud to share.

Some ceremonies end up looking pretty traditional, and others are super out of the box. Some are public, and others are very intimate. They all allow the teen to showcase their learning and honor them as they step into ownership of their Jewish identity.

Real examples from recent b'nei Mitzvahs

“Cello is a big part of my life, so I learned a few pieces, each was written by a different Jewish composer who lived at a different time and place. Learning about the composers also meant learning about Jewish history all over Europe and the United States. My bar mitzvah ceremony was a cello recital, with teaching about history in between. Now I know this history is my history, too. This project was only the beginning.” - Yani

“I wanted to learn more about my religion and experience the ritual. I learned Hebrew and prayers and read the whole Torah up until my Torah portion and analyzed it. I had a lot of fun learning all of this and I’m really grateful.” - Phoebe

“I was nervous, and I thought it was too late for me to start. But looking back over this past year, I feel so accomplished. Every week, we’d learn about a different topic, and make a scrapbook page with pictures, ideas, thoughts and reflections I had about what we were learning. I did a lot! I feel more knowledgeable, and like I can relate more to Judaism, and participate more in conversations about Jewishness.” - Nati

“I really like to do things my own way. I like to innovate and try new things. I didn’t want to completely change any traditions, but I’ve made them a little more fun. Thank you Annie for helping me come up with a bar mitzvah that was meaningful, fun, traditional, and unique, just like me.” - Jack

“ I learned so much about Judaism and its history, about being an underdog, and about Jewish traditions. I also learned to read Hebrew, starting from the very beginning with the alphabet all the way to reading Torah. We also studied Torah. I gained the ability to take deeper meanings out of seemingly shallow things.” - Lee

FAQ

  • I specialize in working with families who are not connected to institutional Jewish life, so if you’re not a member of a synagogue, you’re in the right place! I’ve also worked with teens whose families are affiliated with synagogues, but who feel for any number of reasons that their standard bnei mitzvah process won’t work for them. We’ll work together (including with your family rabbi, if you have one) to make it work.

  • I recommend a range of 6-12 months. This allows enough time for us all to get to know each other but also keeps the learning contained so that it really feels like one big project. A shorter range will focus on one core topic with some additional foundational learning. A longer range gives us the space to build skills, explore a variety of topics, and for the capstone project to evolve naturally over our time together.

    We usually meet once a week for a longer chunk (1.5-2 hours) so that the majority of the learning can happen during sessions, rather than adding extra homework.

  • Family involvement varies according to the preferences of the teen and their parents. Some really want this to be an independent process, where the teen and I work together and only bring the parent(s) in once we start talking about ceremony. Others prefer for this to be a collaborative learning adventure, with parent(s) or even other siblings involved in lessons. We’ll work together to design a process that works for you.

  • Absolutely! I’ve worked with kids in all sorts of special circumstances - autistic teens, teens with ADD/ADHD, teens with dyslexia, teens who are older than the “typical” B Mitzvah age, and teens who need to learn virtually or hybrid. The great thing about this process is that it’s individualized for your kid, so we can create something that will feel accessible, challenging, exciting, and meaningful for them.

  • I work on a hourly rate with a sliding scale, from $75-100/hr. I charge only for the time I’m with your teen, not for any preparation or materials. I don’t want cost to prevent access, so please reach out if you have financial concerns.